Aditya Kulkarni

Career choices

07 July 2009 2

The current employment opportunities got me thinking of alternative career choices. The two listed here are challenging, have tremendous revenue potential and scope to grow into something much bigger than I can imagine…

Production and Manufacturing:
Rabbit cultivation seems like a nice money spinning venture. Come to think of it, I’ve even heard of the term ‘breeding like rabbits’, so supply of the meat should not be an issue. They don’t do much except hop around eating food (grass mostly, haven’t come across the non-vegetarian types yet) and pooping all over the place. Yet, they have an amazing self-defence mechanism. They don’t put up much of a fight but rather give you the ohh-cho-chweet, cute look which melts the heart of the predator straight away. It would be more gratifying if they were a wee bit bigger with evil eyes and sharp nails that could tear you open if you tried to get near them, a devilish tail, large crocodile teeth or better, venomous fangs…and a wicked grin to go along. It wouldn’t be so danged hard to kill the creature then. Guess I would need to hire a sadistic fellow seeking revenge for his allergy to bunny fur to do the dirty work. And the manufacturing part? Purses, soft toys, shawls…you name it!

Organized Sector:
Although facing stiff competition from begging syndicates, am still hoping to earn some respectable revenue from this one. BAI (Beggar’s Association of India) will have branches all over the country (no reference to Mr. Shiney Ahuja, no pun intended). A city like Mumbai easily has around 500 traffic signals (people give alms to feel good about themselves here), 20 railway stations (here, people are in a hurry and don’t pay much attention to what they are shelling out) and 1 airport (lots of firangs and sentimental NRI’s, will earn in dollars) where a constant income can be guaranteed. It has the potential to make around Rs. 51,500 per day or Rs. 15,45,000 per month. Heck, am gonna be super rich by the time this becomes a national level organization. I could then start my own college (BAI college of engineering and varied arts) or a university even! And it will be like a hands-on MBA that will get me competing with the likes of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates …

Dinner in Belapur

23 June 2009 7

Since we (me, RK, Kunal and Gaurav) had nothing better to do, we roamed around in circles in Vashi. Then someone suggested a place in Belapur where you can get all the chicken and drinks you want for less than 150 rupees. Kunal had his Activa but no license…and RK had a license, but no bike. Common sense prevailed and it was unanimously decided that RK would drive the moped and I would drive the bike. Gaurav and me were trailing behind the activa, the logic being that if the ‘pandu’ pulls them over for not wearing a helmet, then we could zoom past and act as if we didn’t recognize the offenders, or just take a swift U-turn. Kunal was mesmerizing the traffic with his performance…yawning and stretching as if he had just woken up from a long night’s sleep, then showing RK the real estate on the side of the road, stretching his arms left, right, then left again, to hell with the cars behind who were honking crazily and dancing all across the road to his weird orchestra like conducting…

Everything intact, we finally reached the place. Riya Sen was dancing to some song, so we sat in front of the TV. I guess the waiter thought of us as some lukkhas, as we were the only ones wearing three-fourths and looked lost (engineering does that to a person). For some time, we stared at the right hand side of the menu, then decided that starters would suffice for dinner. The waiter recommended some weird sounding dish for starters, said it would be perfect for four, so we agreed. After much debate and speculation, integration and derivation, we concluded that they were gonna bill us 500-600, minimum. We checked our pockets and pooled, but it didn’t add up to that much. Uhh-OH!! Then began a plot, so daring and complex that it would’ve put George Bush to shame. We would ask for the washroom and leave one by one. At the end, that would leave Gaurav at the table as he sat blocked on one side by the wall, and on the other by Kunal. After much shouting, mostly from Gaurav, we decided to stay, feel the spirit of adventure and get beaten up together…After a reeally long time, the starters arrived. Dang, it looked like a puppy dog had been cut, roasted, burnt up and served. I complained to the waiter, but he didn’t pay heed (RK and Kunal eating the stuff with relish didn’t put much weight to my argument). We then forced him to eat a piece of the pup…still nothing! We then got up to talk to the manager, but the waiter blocked the door and said the manager was on leave. We made our way down and complained to the fellow on the desk…the pup was brought down and everything went smooth after that (not so much for the waiter though)…Yikes!! We just got off getting beaten up by the restaurant goondas and washing dishes…

Moral(s) of the story:
1) Vada pav or Sev puri tastes better than a half-roasted pup.
2) You can always get some decent chicken without leaving Vashi or burning a hole in your wallet.
3) People contributing outrageous suggestions (like chicken and drinks for less than 150 rupees) should be kicked, and have vile stuff thrown at them…

O Sweet Girl

20 June 2009 1


You look like an angel, you look like a star

Crap! Think I've gone too far...

You visit my dreams, eat crabs and mice

Whee..woo...now ain't that nice!
Far in the city, deep down the drain

It's that time of the year, again

When you drink n fall into the watery sludge

You guessed it right, I had a grudge...
Talk to me, of the night we met

When I'd come over and bit ur pet

None cud've guessed wht happened then

Ooh my, the dog held a pen!
And now as I sleep writing this absurd song

Think of you, all night long

You visit my dreams, now dressed as a witch

And your pet still talks of the next door bitch!